KEEPING YOUR CHILDREN IN CHURCH
Looking over the program for one of the Nordic General Conferences year ago, I was intrigued by a panel that was scheduled to deal with the subject of keeping your children in church. I assumed this would be formed by a panel of parents, but to my surprise it consisted of an outstanding group of six young people. Some of these young people were from saints’ homes and some were from preachers’ homes.
As we listened to this discussion, some very profound answers came forth. I was so impressed with the quality of these young people who came from Sweden, Norway and Finland. Truly, they had a firm grip on their walk with God and have been well established in the faith by things their parents did right. Their lives have not been a bed of roses, but because of the good foundation that has been given them by their parents they are strong and stable Apostolics.
This panel discussion is worth sharing with a wider audience. Please note the big emphasis that prayer has played In their lives. Below are the questions and answers that came forth in this panel discussion:
All parents would like to know how to keep their children in church—how not to lose their faith. What would you say to parents are the most important things they can do?
- It starts with parents and their personal relationship with Jesus. Parents need to have a prayer life and their kids need to see them pray, read the Bible, live the Gospel and not be a hypocrite. Parents should demonstrate their love for Jesus and portray that living for Jesus is a joy, not a burden.
- It is very important to be faithful and committed to your church. Attend each service and don’t leave your children at home. Never leave the children the option of staying home from church. As long as they are fed and have a roof over their heads in your home, they need to abide by your rules.
Only speak positive about your church, the saints, your pastor and the leadership. Your children will not respect spiritual leadership in their lives if you constantly criticize and speak negatively about your pastor, the way he/she preaches and their manner of operating the church. Even if you get hurt by someone in the church or your pastor, don’t share it with your kids. Rather take it to the Lord and He will help you forgive. Kids that hear their parents constantly criticize or belittle spiritual leadership will have great difficulty allowing a spiritual leader in their lives as adults.
- Make Christ the center of your home and allow Christian values to be the driving force in your home. Have family Bible studies and family prayer time. Talk about the things of God, what He is doing, your testimony, scriptures, etc. Engage your children in these conversations and encourage them to talk about Christ, the Bible and what great things Jesus is doing.
- Cultivate a strong relationship with your kids. Get interested in what they are interested in. Don’t expect them to enjoy your hobbies. If they aren’t interested in what you like to do for fun, find out what they like and participate in that activity with them on a regular basis. Your kids are bombarded with the false answers on life issues, their origins, the meaning of life, why we are here and how to live. Their friends, their school and the media bombard them with answers that are anti-Biblical. You have the correct answers in the Word of God. If you want to provide your kids with these life-saving answers, you first want your kids to come to you with their questions and thoughts. In order for this to happen, you must invest in spending time with them. You can’t always push the correct answers on your kids. There are situations where they will have some deep and serious questions. If your relationship isn’t strong and if they don’t feel like they can come to you with anything—even uncomfortable questions or questions you may not know the answer to—they will go to their friends and other places that will provide them with the wrong answers.
Your children need to know that you love them no matter what. Your love should not cease when they disobey you or even if they would backslide. If you reject them when they fall into sin, how will they believe that the grace of God is enough for them? If you are not demonstrating the unconditional love and grace to your children that Christ has bestowed upon you, then you may be the greatest hindrance to them ever coming back to the Lord. Live what you preach! You can show and live out unconditional love and grace without compromising the truths about living righteously and in a way that brings honor to Jesus.
How have you managed to stay focused on God and the church in a time of so much disturbance and temptation?
There is not just one answer to a question like this. Contrary to what people might believe, the solution doesn’t come when the problems arrive as teenagers. Problems start much earlier.
I grew up learning that I needed to develop my own relationship with God. From a very young age, I knew that I needed the Holy Ghost. I needed to be baptized. Every day we prayed that I would get the Holy Ghost. It was never a question of IF; it was WHEN.
A child is not too young:
–to hear God’s voice
–to receive the Holy Ghost
–to understand
I received the Holy Ghost and was baptised when I was six.
I’m going to make a confession that I believe all kids who grew up in church will agree with. My Mom always made us do devotion before we left for school or wherever, and sometimes I didn’t want to do the same thing we had done the day before and the day before that. However, as I grew older I learned to appreciate a day to day relationship with Jesus—not just a relationship on Wednesdays and Sundays. It also helped me develop my own relationship with God. When the temptations and disturbances started to arrive, I knew to put God first.
My Mom always told me: “What keeps you from church keeps you from heaven.”
If I had to choose between church and a birthday party or some other activity, there was never a question what I would choose.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22.6)
What was the most important part of your upbringing that caused you to stay in the church?
A lot of answers could be given, but I feel certain things were foundational and essential to staying in church. To properly answer the question, I must share insight as to where I’m coming from. I must admit that I have made a lot of mistakes and had phases of rebellion and struggle, perhaps even more so than some young people. However, I never had a desire to leave the faith. I think there were some things that were key to this.
You can divide it into two categories: love and fear. From a young age, I learned to love God, love the Truth, love the church and fear my pastor’s wife. (smile)
Seriously, from a very early age, I was taught to love God and was told that I could know him and get the Holy Ghost. At seven years of age, I already understood what this meant and received it. I cannot emphasize enough how important I think it is to have kids understand this. Teach your children at home. They need to hear the Truth at home.
Our house was filled with an atmosphere where it was natural to praise and worship. We didn’t leave that at church. We sang, praised, prayed and even danced at home. I remember as a young boy crying in the presence of God. As a result of feeling His Spirit even at home, it stayed with me. I was taught the Truth at church and at home. I was taught how to know Jesus and what He wanted for us so that I could obey Him. I was told what was right and wrong and was educated not only about rules but about principles and consequences.
Though I had my problems and struggles, I never wanted to leave Truth. That was never an option in my mind. I loved Jesus too much to ever want to leave Him. The Holy Ghost was the greatest feeling ever. The Body of Christ was what I wanted to be connected to.
By example, teaching and instruction I was taught to:
–Love God and want the Holy Ghost
–Love the Truth passionately and seek to live by it because I knew of a certainty that it was not only right, but it was best for me.
–Love the Kingdom of God and love the church.
How much has fellowship with other youth meant to you?
When I look back, I realise that fellowship with other youth has meant a lot to me. It is important for youth to have a safe place; a place where you can be yourself and a place where people understand you and your views.
When I first started to attend our youth group, I was the youngest one in the group so it meant that the other youth had to take care of me. This gave me the opportunity to have the older youth as role models. It is vital for youth to have a role model or someone to look up to in church. If they don’t have that, they will find role models elsewhere. The older youth helped me to find my place in church. They helped me to get involved in church and God’s work.
How do you feel that questions and pressures from outside have influenced your choices?
I believe the questions have made me stronger. If you’re not challenged in your faith, I believe it’s easier to fall away. It is one thing to believe in how God created the world, but what happens when someone says they were descendants of the apes? The pressure helps us get a depth in our faith and it also helps us understand it. The most important part of this pressure and the questions that come is that is helps us learn to defend our beliefs. You cannot defend something if you don’t know what you believe.
In our movement, we are known to put a lot of emphasis on the Word of God. How can you say that this has helped you stay in the church?
I believe that it has helped me immensely. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” I grew up in the church; I received the Holy Spirit and was also baptized at four years old. When I was a child, my parents led a kid’s Bible study class every Wednesday at our church. We were taught Bible doctrines and principles in a way that we, as small children, could understand. I believe that it is such an important matter for a child to understand why. I am a very persistent person and I’m also very curious. I want to know why and how things work. I’m not afraid to ask and will not stop asking until my question is answered. Many people in my generation, and the younger generation, are like that, I believe. We want to understand.
I believe that my understanding has helped to ground me in God. When I think of why we do what we do, they are not rules to me. Outward and inward holiness, fruit of the Spirit, respect for the elders, obeying the Ten Commandments . . . I do not look at these things as rules. I know that when I do these things, it pleases God. That is what I want to do; I want to please God, because I love Him; and it is all because of the training that I received when I was young. Because I understand why, I am willing to do it in praise to God.
In Bible times, the Jewish children were taken to the temple at an early age to learn God’s commands. By the time they were in their early teen years, they had memorized the entire Torah. Yes, Israel messed up a lot, and there were some that fell away. However, those who had taken the time to place God’s Word in their heart never wavered. Even with all their mistakes, they realized that children needed to learn and understand God’s Word.
Psalms 119:11 says, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” This is the key: if you do not take God’s Word and place it in your heart, you will surely fall away. The Bible and His Spirit go hand-in-hand. You cannot have one without the other; they create the perfect balance. If you do not have God’s Word in your life, you might as well not have a relationship with Him. Is that harsh? Yes, but it’s true. The Bible is our guidebook; it is our map to heaven and an eternal life with God. Psalm 119:105 says, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” When we follow God’s Word, we are on the right track. Even better, when we combine the Bible with God’s Spirit and God begins to work through us, we become an unstoppable force. Nothing can stop us!
Parents, if I can leave you with one thing, it is this. Teach your children God’s Word. A child is never too young to learn about God. Most importantly, help them understand His principles and work to cultivate within them a desire to please God. It is not enough to tell them that they need the Holy Spirit and they need to be baptized. They also need to understand why. They need to understand that this is serious. Salvation is a serious thing, and we must make sure this generation, and the next, will be saved. I am incredibly grateful to my parents and my pastor, because if I had not received that early training, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
How do you balance the making of your own choices and have parents who have been strict?
Respect is the most important things to have in a relationship with your parents. It is one of God’s commandments and something we have to follow.
For those who have parents that are not in the church and find yourself in a situation where you do not agree with choices they make, you should talk to your pastor to get advice on what to do. It is always good to be in communication with your pastor, for he is the man of God and can help you when you do not know what to do. Whatever outcome you have in your life, always be respectful!
My Dad is my pastor, and I always talk to him if there is a choice to make in my life. My Dad/Pastor’s opinion means a lot to me and I will always respect that. Also, prayer and fasting is very important in any choices I make.
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It is the earnest desire of every God-fearing parent that their children will walk in Truth and holiness.
I believe it is very important throughout life to guard our children’s friendships and relationships—even with relatives. I realise we cannot control our adult children; however we can guard their friendships and relationships through prayer. Nothing or no one can stop the effectual, fervent prayers of parents!
It has been said that our children are the only thing we can take with us to heaven. May all parents realise the solemn responsibility and put into a practice a lifestyle that will cause their children to want to imitate them. Imitation is the highest form of a compliment.
No doubt you can think of some children who you know that are saved because of their parents.
Don’t ever let it be said of your children that they are saved in spite of their parents.
Our children and grandchildren are the greatest treasures we have!
By Jerolyn Kelley